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Ode to a Drill Wrecker Print
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Written by Justin Bourne   
Wednesday, 08 September 2010 16:00
Justin Bourne

The Drill-Wrecker will always have a special place in my heart, now that he no longer possesses the ability to ruin my legs and lungs via bag skate. 

You know the guy, right? The one that ruins every on-ice drill in practice before it has a chance to begin? Looking back, I can't help but laugh:

He starts the drill in the wrong direction. He passes to the wrong line. His head wobbles about like a bobble, looking for some information, some help. Quite simply, he's lost.

MIDWEEK MUSINGS

Yet, the most endearing quality of the Drill-Wrecker is his inability to not recognize things are about to go poorly, like a puppy about to bite a porcupine.  He drifts to the front of the line, while his teammates who are uncertain of the drill slide to the back.

He sees something shiny in the stands, and more teammates slide behind him. They know if they're not positive about the drill that they shouldn't do it until they see someone have a go at it first. They wrongly assume that those who understand will naturally step to the front, right?

But lo, our drill-wrecker still stares on, his mind an ADD-cluttered mess of slide whistles, fireworks and applesauce.

And before you know it, TWEET, the drill begins, snapping him back to reality where he immediately notices ... Whoa, I'm up.

He starts the drill in the wrong direction. He passes to the wrong line. His head wobbles about like a bobble, looking for some information, some help.

Maybe it's one of those easy drills that'll sort itself out once I start, he MUST think. Maybe if I just take a few strides and ...

TWEET!

The whistle. Start over.

What did I do wrong? I imagine he ponders.

Well, if that direction didn't work, what if I try....

TWEET!

Crap.

He sets the coach on edge with his layers of ignorance. He compounds not listening with being a slow learner with being dumb enough to attempt a drill he doesn't get. He might be a great guy, but he almost certainly lacks any semblance of self-awareness.

Now the whole team's in trouble. If someone else screws this simple drill up, it could be bag skate time and the group can sense it. Everybody starts gripping their stick just a liiiiittttle too tight and DW, our hero, gets stuffed to the back of the line.

A few borderline plays and just-barely executed turns later, and Sir Wrecksadrill has once again naturally been pushed to the front of the line. Just then, he snaps to attention, and you can see the panic:

Holy crap, I'm back at the front and I STILL don't get it.

The team panics with him, and within seconds, the whole line is trying to play coach to this poor, polluted mind.

Ah, but like the saying goes, too many cooks spoil the broth. Too much advice. Too many voices, and too late.

Armed with what little information he gleaned from the helpers in line, he takes off in the right direction. He passes it to the right line. And everyone breathes a sigh of relief.... until he misses phase two of the drill.

TWEET! "EVERYBODY ON THE LINE", coach yells.

And the abuse rains down on Mark Wrecky.

Like a beaten puppy with his tail between his legs, the drill-wrecker starts to do what he does best:  "Blue-line, back! Red-line, back! Far blue, back! Far-end, back!"

And it should be what he does best. He's been doing it his whole life.

Comments (5)

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Drill Wrecker
This is going to be a new term at Hockey Primetime.
Sam Woo , September 09, 2010
...
haha, well done. I must admit to wrecking a few drills in my time. "Don't go first" is pretty much the best advice out there for DW's. At least bag skating is good for your cardiovascular fitness, right?
SDC , September 09, 2010
...
hahahahaa amazing.

derek_com , September 09, 2010
Awesome
Nothing brings a team together like hating one guy. Is this the kind of thing that happens in the bigs? I imagine a guy like Federov looking at the coach and saying "yeah, I don't think so" to the bag skate.
Mike , September 09, 2010
classic example
Love your columns! I work at a rink. Yesterday I watched one player sit on the bench while his teammates got bag skated in this drill wrecker's honor. The coach was hysterical. He kept telling the kid to lift up his head and watch his buddies get crushed! The very next ice session was a game. The losing team got the classic herb brooks post game half hour bag skate. My legs and lungs hurt just watching it!
Grabs , September 12, 2010

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Last Updated on Thursday, 08 September 2011 22:19